In the midst of our conversation at lunch with our new found admirers, I was distracted by a man sticking a paper in my face. Imagine turning away from a conversation only to be met with a 45 year old version of Ducky from Sixteen Candles. The sincere little man was promoting his project and the paper was an advertisement for his singles website that he had created as a clearinghouse for all of the singles activities throughout the country and articles and all things relevant to being single. He really just wanted to talk to me. Once again Leslie, keep a good attitude. I visited with him for a minute and shooed him away in an appropriately direct and respectful manner.
My dismissal of Ducky was evidently not too harsh because he came back within a few minutes toting his lunch tray and asking-- as he sat down-- if he could join us for lunch. I believe this was between Steve's suicide question and his kissing commentary. Following the dwarf daughter story, Ducky chimed in with some very wise insight. He discussed the importance in blended families of the adult couple becoming as one and the children fall in line behind. He has two children that are young adults and he so badly wants to find a wife. A righteous desire for a man that probably will cherish his partner-- not sure what happend with round one but this is a life of redemption, right?
The conversation slid into minutia and eventually resurfaced with a discussion about what we three girls found attractive in a man. We each threw out a few things that had been discussed on the way down-- The Ride Down is it's own blog post-- and if I didn't see Ducky taking intense personal notes, I don't know what I saw! He was clarifying and asking specific questions about what we found attractive. I'm not sure what is subjective about a man having a sense of humor but Ducky was determined to clarify!
Later that evening as we left the dance looking ahead to the singles cruise, Ducky ran after us to reconnect. We exchanged pleasantries and bid him a good night only to have him run after us. He grabbed Laurel and repeated the qualities we had mentioned earlier about "What makes a man hot". He then said in total sincerity, "So, if I am....., than I am hot?". We gave an endearing laugh and told him, "Yes, Ducky, you are hot."
Ducky's sincerity and commitment to figuring this singles thing out endeared me. He certainly didn't come in the package that I find attractive or "HOT", but I was touch by the reality that not only he, but Steve, and even the woman with the dwarf daughter are all in the same boat as I am. We look different and we have different struggles and strengths but we all are striving for the same source of fulfillment and happiness.
My own insecurities and criticisms started to morph into an increased feeling of compassion. By "giving up", perhaps we can simply give more? My insecurities that lead me to feel like I have no power because I have to be nice when someone approaches me that I am reproached by is being replaced by a personal empowerment to not only see these other "misfits on the island of the misfit toys" as they really are but to help support them just like I need to be supported and encouraged without the fear that they might get the wrong impression.
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